Who mutilated Barbie?

Almost every little girl has played with a Barbie at one time or another. I remember spending countless hours with my Barbies. Nothing was off limits in the house when it came to my dolls. My mother's jewelry box was her armoire, a horse statue became her horse, my brother's Tonka Jeep was perfect size for Barbie to sit in and drive and the list goes on and on. We didn't have much money, but my Barbie was Queen.

But that was the Barbie of "yesterday". I have no idea what they were thinking or drinking when they redesigned Barbie in the beginning of this century. Seriously now, trying to be "socially" correct or whatever was a bad move in my opinion. How can Barbie hold her giant heavy head up high when the generic Sally dolls are making fun of Barbie behind her back? "Look who's put on some weight!" or "Did you see the head on that chick! How does she manage to get dressed in the morning?"

I have a lot of complaints about this new Barbie but didn't realize how many till I actually had to go buy one. Now I'm talking about the regular Barbies, not those special edition ones which still use the "real" Barbie and those are the kind that I collect. I'm talking about these new mutilated ones where you wouldn't know it was a Barbie if you didn't see the name on the box.

First I found that half of them had their clothes painted on them! Tell me, when was the last time you painted an outfit on you (not counting the latex you did for your boyfriend last week?). What is the purpose of that? Sure it looks cute with that one outfit, but what about other outfits? Are you trying to lose money by discouraging little girls from buying different outfits for Barbie? Are you trying to tell us that chipped, painted on clothes, is going to be the new mode?

Speaking of outfits, that brings us to problem number two: WHERE ARE THE CLOTHES! I could find a small handful of outfits for Barbie, whereas when I was a kid there was such a selection I drove my mom literally batty picking out this one and that one. I guess the company is getting lazy, paint an outfit on and don't bother making clothes, thinking that is good enough? Does anyone there actually have a daughter? Is anyone there actually female?

Now thirdly, let's address those arm poses. Has Barbie suddenly become stuck in a Madonna Vogue video? Hey you thought it was hard before trying to get those straight arms into that cute little Barbie shirt, wait till you try it with the new deformed arm look. Who's idea was that? They need to be demoted a bit till they get their head on straight.

OKay I found some Barbies with just a bathing suit, actually perfect for what I needed them for, but that brings us to number four: flat feet. Now come on! Did you really have to flatten her feet? Afraid she'll get drafted so you flatttened her feet in the hopes she'd fail her physical? You just ended up making her look like more of a freak, but then again maybe she needed those big feet to hold up that giant head she has now?

Which brings us to the issue number five: her big head. Okay you went "socially" correct in giving her a breast reduction (every girls dream right) then you thickened her waist (cause we all want thick waists even on our fantasy doll), so why did you have to give her a bigger head? That almost sounds like a man's idea, but he got the wrong "head" bigger :) I can't figure out the need to enlarge her head, of course unless you flattened her feet first so you had to make the head bigger to balance out the shoeboxes you are surely going to put on Barbie next?

Okay I'm just about done, I want to address the make-up a bit. Yea girls love make-up. I don't care how old you are, make-up is something almost every girl fools with so of course we do like a bit of make-up on our Barbies. But can we stop with the blue and the turquoise eyeshadow and the violet lipstick? Actually can we just stop completely? A little blush, some nice colored lips is good enough really. How is she supposed to wear that canary yellow suit with that horrendouse green eye shadow and purple lipstick? You are embarrassing Barbie with those colors! Let the make-up stay with the Barbie style head okay?

Now that I've got that off my chest, don't you think it is time to talk about those MyScene Barbies .... I'll get back to you on that when I'm done playing with mine.